I miss you. I miss the way you look at me on our first date and thought that I didn’t see you do so. I love the way you made the first move. The first move where you didn’t held my hands during the movie but only 2 of my fingers for you were afraid. Afraid that I might pull away from you.
I remember every date well. But I remember our first date even more I remember how nervous you were on asking me to be yours at the traffic light when it was still red and you were waiting for it to turned green for you were afraid that I might walked out from the car when you popped the question.
But you somehow manage to blurt out the question when I was this close on arriving home. You took my hand and asked me to be yours. You’re the only guy that did such a thing. The first guy to ever pull such a move on me. You caught me by surprise. Though I didn’t gave an answer on the spot, my answer was actually ‘Yes’, but I am a girl that needs a reason for everything and you answered me well by stating, ‘I didn’t have a reason for falling for you, for somethings don’t always need a reason. It just happen.’ I covered my smile and not show it to you. I tried to be unpredictable and it worked.
After 3 years of trying to move on you were the one that opened up my heart again to love. You may not be my first love, but it is never easy for me to open up and you did. It saddens me to only see us last for 3 months. 3 months with you was magical. I was in love. I still am. I am still very much in love with you. Today would have been our 4th month together. But we fell apart. I had no choice, no matter how heart breaking it was, to see you not fight for me, for us. It still hurts. Even though we’re friends and we can still talk, it still hurts because I can never say the word ‘I love you’, ‘I miss you’ or call you ‘love’.
I actually thought that we could last. But having to know that your love wasn’t enough for me was too painful. You said you love me but it is not enough for me and that you realised that you never got your heart back from your past. Where as part of me, the bigger part of me wants to fix all that and give you time but you just couldn’t do so. I tried to digest it and I am still trying. But it is not easy. I miss you. I miss you terribly. I need you right now to soothe me with your words and just be in your arms again. I miss your good morning and good night text, I miss the kisses you gave me especially the kisses on my forehead.
Even though it is over now, I hope you miss me like I miss you. I hope you are able to realise what is in front of you and not look back to the past. Right now, I know it isn’t right, but right now, I just feel like waiting for you until I get tired of doing so because I am still very much in love with you and I don’t see myself with anyone else but you. I just can’t let go. Not yet.
I love you and I hope you know that.